Getting Into The Swing of It?

I'm a thinkin' I hear sum cuntry music a playin'. So are you ready to grab your partner and swing some chicken? KAPPOROS are the square dancing of the frum world, the very mention of it sends fear into the hearts of our fowl friends and any Fred Astaire Dance School grad.

To see old post on the topic, spin you mouse over your head three times, say a few hail Marys and click here.

It Shouldn't Happen To Chicken

I meant to do this post a while back but my feathers were all ruffled by life's challenges. Apparently, there is a custom before Yom Kippur to take live chickens, swing them over a person's head to transfer the sins to the chicken. The chicken is then ritually slaughtered (similar to the idea that during the temple times people offered live animals for slaughter in order to achieve atonement). The chicken is then given to a poor family for a meal. While I do like the idea of giving charity and I certainly recognize that if you give a chicken as charity to a poor person, that animal would be killed, kapporos are not the best way.

I decided to go reference what R. Slifkin, the zoo rabbi, had to say. I read his book, Man & Beast. I think it's an ok reference, kind of dry and dull but it does discuss kapporos. First he goes over the laws that state that we are certainly allowed to use animals for human need. We can eat the kosher ones, make clothes and use them as beasts of burden, and in the times of the temple we could offer them as sacrifices (thus used for spiritual needs as well). What we can't do, is distress them beyond what is necessary to accomplish those needs (Tz'ar Ba'alie Chaim).

He seemed to say that the swinging of the chicken overhead was not unnecessary distress but I lean toward the opinion of the chicken that it sure isn't fun. Instead, he described the conditions used to transport the chickens in densely packed, dismal coups. Coincidentally, I was hiking with an Australian woman and she said that the animal rights laws in her country require that the person go to the farm to do the kapporos rather than the chickens being transported under reprehensible conditions.

R. Slifkin notes that there is already, in place, an alternate acceptable mechanism to transfer sins and that is to money. Use a handkerchief with money and spin it around your head if you like rather than distress an animal. Let's face it folks, we don't have a temple and there are no ritual sacrifices so this is an unnecessary and cruel substitute. (Personally, I don't believe that we will have any sacrifices in the third temple. People can no longer relate to worship of God through sacrificial rites. We have substituted that with prayer. Even Ramban says the reason God gave the people the means to perform sacrifices is because the state of the people's minds back then was such that sacrifices were the only way they understood worship of any god).

I don't think most of us would go out of our way to do this form of kapporos if not for the organizations that bring these chickens to communities. I wouldn't be surprised if someone isn't turning a profit under the guise of Tzedakah but that's nothing new. "Be inscribed in the Book of Life!" the flyer claims. As if this voodoo magic procedure will tilt the scales of heavenly judgment in your favor. Recently I heard that some people were told to kick the chicken afterward. People are morons and people are cruel. Think for yourself and be a better person but not at the expense of other people or animals rather than harm an animal to save your soul. Sheesh.

Adventures in Breslov (Updated)

Lately I have been hanging out at various restaurants, minding mine own business as well as that of everyone else who happens to pass by. Then he appears out of the blue. Tall, Dark... overcoat. I immediately recognize him as the roving Breslov tzedakah collector armed with a myriad of "How-to' books regarding relationships, life, happiness etc. I failed to dive under the table in time when he was already upon me. "Tzedakah for hachnasat kallah (wedding money)," he asked, while wishing me and Tali happiness and Brachah. I give a dollar because I don't like to turn people away empty-handed but the truth is that no one collected money for my wedding (parent company excluded). We had a wedding within our means as should everyone. It's not like a wedding is a life-saving procedure withheld by the evil insurance empire. It's an extra, a frill. In fact, if most people saw what would become of their life after marriage, they would save their money for a lawyer or a good set of earphones for the stereo. But I'm getting off topic here.

Last week, Tzedakah-man gave me mishnah Avot. Not bad for a dollar. Last night, I got the book you see in the photo. A large volume of advice how to live, Breslov style. I tried to make a profit on it once T-man left. I went around the store and up and down the street asking for a two dollar donation for the book but there were no takers. People told me they were saving it for the opening of Indiana Jones movie that night. Can't blame 'em.

But something struck me as hilarious. Look at the title and see if you can figure it out. I'll post the answer next week if no one gets it.

UPDATE:

Kudos to the Feds. Mr. FedUp correctly identified the underlying theme. If said quickly, the title translates as 'Short gleanings from a MORON.' Cassuto originally posited that there was one author with varied ideas and his name was MoHaRon. Luckily, Wellhausen was able to identify the multiple authorship as the work of many bored Breslevs who refused to get a job. Most probably there were four but it is possible there were other contributors. Along came the great redactor Ezra MeBreslov and amended the title so that no one in their right mind would know that this was a work of morons. And since then, every one of us exposed to these books given out at the restaurants, eats it all up.

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