Things You Don't Want To Hear...

...When You Wake Up From A Wild Night Partying ;)

Seedless Dates

It's sad to say but there are women out there who can't conceive. I can't even imagine how incomplete they feel or how hopeless they feel their prospects are for a shidduch. They may be young and suffered a hysterectomy or older and are menopausal. But whatever the reason, fertility drugs and medical science can never give them a biological child. Sad, indeed.

They are out there, folks. They are probably on all the dating sites or are being set up 'quietly' through matchmakers. What they don't realize is that they can be quite a catch for the right guy. There are divorced guys who have been lucky enough to be blessed with children and would welcome a wife who could also act as a second mother. Maybe she can find some fulfillment of her maternal instincts in that role. Perhaps, these guys don't want another family due to yeshiva tuition costs or worries how half-siblings would get along. Perhaps, they just plain don't want any more kids and these women offer him a chance to find love, happiness and not merge two families with all its potential for conflict (had she herself been divorced with children).

But where could these women be found? I imagine they hide their condition in shame not realizing that it can be a commodity. I think it's time to have a dating site geared for this scenario.

I was discussing this serious topic with friends and wondering what to call such a site. To their credit they came up with Infertile-ster, Seedless Dates, or intoxicatingly enough, Baron Herzog. My profile begins, "SWDM seeking SWF no uterus..."

In GUD We Trust

Suffice it to say, there are many things that one can find undesirable in a mate. In fact, I have been handed entire lists. Add to the list GUD. Different religious values can strain any relationship but not nearly as much as GUD.

Geographically UnDesirable. I can't wrap my head around how people from different time zones or long distances make a relationship work. How do they find time to access each other to the point where they can truly 'get' the person? If they can't access each other often, how do they create new memories together? A relationship can't survive on a few good ole memories alone. How do they assess how the other acts under stress, with friends, family? People can smile, hold their tongue, and cover up as needed in short spurts. Where is the Gestaltic view? How do they build on the foundation of initial attraction? A significant part of that relationship ends up happening in their minds.

When a relationship is new, it is exciting, it sets of a cascade of stimulating hormones that give the brain pleasure (crude jokes, insert here). Over time, the novelty wears off, and one can only hope and pray that the desire for the other remains firm. Often it doesn't and it's time to move on. The problem with the long distancers is that there are repeated times of separation followed by this renewed novelty that can spur the relationship on but once they settle down together, the magic wears off.

I know plenty of people who have crossed borders, gone over to the other side, and have indeed married. Hope they're happy. Feel free to share your story and insight. I'm listening on my crappy bluetooth and poor-reception Sprint phone (which could also strain any relationship).

I've been told that I'm limiting my pool of candidates, which is true but is it so wrong to wish for a few more local divorces to recycle some good people? Let others choose to broaden their horizons. Certainly if you're single, no kids, it could be easier to travel to meet this gem but with kids, yeshiva tuition and a crazy 6-day work-week, I can't even conceptualize how it is feasible to even begin such a relationship let alone sustain it.

So thanks for the set-ups but I'll put my faith in Gud far behind me.
-