Little Snippet

My son recently walked in on me as I was getting out of the shower. I don't really like hot showers, more on the luke-warm to bone-chilling side. Things get kinda tight and drawn close. He asked me why I have brains in my penis! I burst out laughing. I told him that is where men access them!

When I told Tali, she told me that the scrotum has Rugae which would look like the folds of a brain to a discerning child. Wikipedia describes rugae as not a form of music or shabbat treat but as "a term used in anatomy that refers to a series of ridges produced by folding of the wall of an organ...[like the] wrinkles of the scrotum."

Yeah, I know, should have just stopped telling this at the end of the first paragraph.

True Story:

In health class in high school, the teacher asked the class if it was possible for a male to ejaculate while urinating. A classmate yelled out, "You can't both come and go!"

This was, of course, correct. Anybody have a clue if that is true for women?

Careful How You Tread

I was sitting at a Chinese restaurant with Tali last night when she allowed me to glimpse the inner workings of a divorced females mind possibly blinding me forever. It may well be the mind of females in general but that information is privileged. She said that she keeps waiting for me to do something wrong (or possibly she said Bad or Crazy but being a guy with a smaller...hippocampus than gals, somethings just won't ever stick in my mind). BTW, the hippocampus is where memories are formed. I'm still scratching my head (hush, now) trying to figure out her birthday. Just kidding but I sure as heck hope she doesn't randomly ask.

So let's assume she's looking for me to take a misstep. Does she anticipate that because I am from the opposite team that I will certainly do something to upset her? Well DARN TOOTIN she does and you better believe I will. Who am I to disappoint? Any two people in close proximity and especially in a close relationship will invariably do something to aggravate, irritate, or just piss the other off. Apparently, I have successfully avoided that already although I was certain I hadn't.

No one could be totally in tune and in the proper frame of mind, always. Even expecting a mild spate of sanity is unusual for most relationships.
I won't even go into the obvious things like trying to be sensitive and anticipate each others feelings and needs. Finger down throat. Hmm...finger...guy brain activated. Thoughts of sex become a clear segue to shark sex. Apparently, the shark if the first creature to invent/discover sexual reproduction around 400 million years ago (at least that's what Evolve on the History Channel claims). The male bites on the extra-padded dorsal fin to turn the female over and maintain position. He even has an extra protrusion by his penis that clasps himself in her while mating. Who's the hooker now? I told this story to a female coworker and like the typical female she says, "He raped her." I tried to animate the scene by playing the role of the female shark talking to her dolphin female friends who tell her she should wake up and smell the krill, she was raped. I'm only a little embarrassed to say I used my best gay voice to simulate a female chain-smoking shark, to say, "But, I really like it rough."

I began to recall my own 'experiences' (haven't tried shark yet, their not kosher). I find that I grab hold to my partner tightly during those climactic moments when all oxygen leaves my brain and my basal ganglia and rudimentary earlier systems go into overdrive. Is this a similar by-product of evolution? Just as the shark bites the dorsal fin to hold position whereby the female can't escape, to ensure a completed act, so too I increase my grasp or do I just have an odd technique unworthy of Cosmo or Vanity Fair.

Where was I? Oh, what I need from all of you is suggestions on how to take my first misstep. I want to make mine memorable because you always remember your first. I'm usually of the mindset that I should just be myself and ouila, poo on the shoe. Any thoughts?

On a warped side note and mixing metaphors, make up sex after overstepping the bounds of normal behavior lead to a ...
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What Do You Want...

All morning, the song Rock The Night by Europe, has been spinning in my head. It was a song I originally heard in Israel as I made my way to the youth hostel close to my Yeshiva. That was after shiur had ended, of course. I had my boom-box on my shoulder, Europe blasting, and I was cruising for Shairut Leumi girls. Let's just say that The opportunity for cultural exchange presented itself often. But more on that another time.

Tali surprised me at work today. On a whim, she decided to show up with Morningstar buffalo wings with pizza sauce and melted muenster cheese. I probably would have left that fact out if I wasn't consuming it as I type. I was humming the lyrics, "What do you want..." from the aforementioned song when I noticed that she was wearing a tee shirt that shouted "All I want is happiness." Mentally, I was prepared to offer her that but out of my mouth came, well, not what I expected.

I was never great in grammar so you will forgive me if I get the exact term incorrect. In Hebrew, the letter hay at the beginning of a word, when pronounced as 'Ha,' acts as the definite article. It means 'THE...' followed by whatever the rest of the word is. Now if you recall, I was thinking back to Israel earlier as I hummed the song so I unassumingly read her shirt out loud but in an Israeli accent. Try it with me but don't forget to accent the definite article, Ha. Here we go. All I want is Ha-Pee-ness. We burst out laughing so loudly. The opportunity thus arose to physically augment my intended offer for mental fulfillment.
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