It Shouldn't Happen To Chicken

I meant to do this post a while back but my feathers were all ruffled by life's challenges. Apparently, there is a custom before Yom Kippur to take live chickens, swing them over a person's head to transfer the sins to the chicken. The chicken is then ritually slaughtered (similar to the idea that during the temple times people offered live animals for slaughter in order to achieve atonement). The chicken is then given to a poor family for a meal. While I do like the idea of giving charity and I certainly recognize that if you give a chicken as charity to a poor person, that animal would be killed, kapporos are not the best way.

I decided to go reference what R. Slifkin, the zoo rabbi, had to say. I read his book, Man & Beast. I think it's an ok reference, kind of dry and dull but it does discuss kapporos. First he goes over the laws that state that we are certainly allowed to use animals for human need. We can eat the kosher ones, make clothes and use them as beasts of burden, and in the times of the temple we could offer them as sacrifices (thus used for spiritual needs as well). What we can't do, is distress them beyond what is necessary to accomplish those needs (Tz'ar Ba'alie Chaim).

He seemed to say that the swinging of the chicken overhead was not unnecessary distress but I lean toward the opinion of the chicken that it sure isn't fun. Instead, he described the conditions used to transport the chickens in densely packed, dismal coups. Coincidentally, I was hiking with an Australian woman and she said that the animal rights laws in her country require that the person go to the farm to do the kapporos rather than the chickens being transported under reprehensible conditions.

R. Slifkin notes that there is already, in place, an alternate acceptable mechanism to transfer sins and that is to money. Use a handkerchief with money and spin it around your head if you like rather than distress an animal. Let's face it folks, we don't have a temple and there are no ritual sacrifices so this is an unnecessary and cruel substitute. (Personally, I don't believe that we will have any sacrifices in the third temple. People can no longer relate to worship of God through sacrificial rites. We have substituted that with prayer. Even Ramban says the reason God gave the people the means to perform sacrifices is because the state of the people's minds back then was such that sacrifices were the only way they understood worship of any god).

I don't think most of us would go out of our way to do this form of kapporos if not for the organizations that bring these chickens to communities. I wouldn't be surprised if someone isn't turning a profit under the guise of Tzedakah but that's nothing new. "Be inscribed in the Book of Life!" the flyer claims. As if this voodoo magic procedure will tilt the scales of heavenly judgment in your favor. Recently I heard that some people were told to kick the chicken afterward. People are morons and people are cruel. Think for yourself and be a better person but not at the expense of other people or animals rather than harm an animal to save your soul. Sheesh.

Bible's Buried Secrets

Nova had an interesting program called the Bible's Buried Secrets. I felt it gave a good overview of the current understanding of biblical archaeology, documentary hypothesis, and ancient Israel's rise of montheism. For all of us who have read Richard Elliot Friedman, Mark Smith, William Dever, Israel Finkelstein, and others, there are obviously many points that are in contention but it was a good starting point and good overview. You can watch it online here.

No Cause For Alarm

The alarm went off at 11PM. It was the carbon monoxide detector. Somehow it was able to detect that odorless, colorless, tasteless but most deadly gas. I have had a mild headache for the past two days and I recalled that a neighbor of mine had headaches for a few weeks before they found that it was caused by a small leak of carbon monoxide. Yet, I had attributed my headache to too much wine amongst a gathering of friends on shabbat or perhaps presbyopia was setting in which leads to near strain (which could cause blurry vision but may cause headaches initially). Oddly enough I didn't think to attribute it to childcare. So I just pulled the plug to stop the annoying sound and opened the windows. I was in no mood to wake a bunch of beautifully sleeping children.

After 10 minutes, I plugged it in again and it read zero. Yay. The original ready was 249 which is moderate danger. Within a minute the alarm went off again and read 259. Do I panic? Do I rush my children out? Not a chance. I called the fire department and within 5 minutes there were three hook and ladders, one ambulance, four private vehicles and lots of swirling lights and sounds. I relayed to them that I just used my fireplace the night before for the first time this season (and that I used it well, wink wink). They proceeded to search my whole home and everywhere the reading was always ZERO. I realized that the alarm went off within a short time after I accidentally bumped into it. They felt that since the device was from 1999, I must have disturbed an internal mechanism and I should replace it. In any case the firefighters insisted on examining me (shame I'm not a woman). In any case, they found my blood pressure to be 140/90, which is stage one hypertension. I said I have always been 110/70-120/80 and considering the commotion I figure this may be par for the course. (I checked twice this morning and it was 110/78).

A fireman checked the bedroom and reported four sleeping children despite the ruckus. I remarked that I found that the proper dose of carbon monoxide makes bedtime a breeze. He didn't laugh, which surprised me because usually I can read a person and determine as to who could tolerate my humor. Guess I got burnt on that one.

Strings Attached

String. Some people tie a red string on their arm for good luck but for me another type of string was almost a deal breaker. Tali was the first woman I im-ed on Frumster and now my steady. One day I must send in a testimonial to Frumster but who is going to believe the one that says, "The very first person I im-ed is the one I ended up marrying..?" Anyway, in my profile, I wrote that I wear tzitzit occasionally. It seemed harmless at the time and it was the truth. Best to be upfront and be your true self. I was a little unprepared for the challenge she immediately threw at me.

"I have a question about something you wrote. What does it mean that you "occasionally" wear tzitzis? Is it a shabbos thing? Is it a weather thing? I'm not sure if this is a big deal or not, but I would like to understand. I've never worn tzitzis so its not fair for me to judge. But I do wear a shaitel and cover my elbows and (most) of my knees regardless of the day of the week or the weather outside.Given the impression I immediately got from your email and your profile I suspect that you will have an equally well thought out answer to this."

What I find interesting is that this is a mitzvah that is optional. IF you have a four cornered garment, THEN you have an obligation to place four sets of strings on it. The rabbis decided to institute wearing a small tzitzit so that the law and the concepts behind it, wouldn't be lost. The concept is, if I see the blue string and it reminds me of the sea and then the sky I will achieve an awareness of god's presence and glory. I'm all for reminders and symbols that keep our lives in perspective. But when you read the Shema, which contains the laws of tzitzit, it is unmistakably written as optional. We take upon ourselves to do more but if it isn't always practical, it wouldn't be the end of the world. I responded to her challenge with this:

"To tzit or not to tzit that is thy question... Actually, my divorce was quite an upheaval. It has taken me a while to reinvigorate my practice. I have always loved Judaism, Israel, our community and I value all that we do. I guess when in survival-mode some things slipped. As my life stabilized and I successfully provided the children with a proper environment, the practice is returning hence occasional tzitzit wear. No excuse, thanks for making me reexamine my life through the proper lens. As with everything in life, I take things slow so that it won't be overwhelming or just a passing phase, so for now I will leave my profile setting listed as 'occasionally.'"

I have to mention that the tone I initally felt from her email startled me. I was given pause, my stomach tied up in knots. I thought that maybe this person would be very confrontational and in my face. I was ready to drop it and not even bother asking her out but she was pretty, after all, and sometimes tones can be misinterpreted in emails. I held my breath and hoped for the best. That was less than a year ago and she turned out to be my closest friend, so non-confrontational and an absolute joy to be with.

But let's return to tzitzit. For style, women sacrifice comfort. They wear high heels (God bless them all), sheer clothes that snag or tear easily. I feel bad for my daughter when she has her leotard over her tights and has to undo it all, if she has to use the ladies room. Now here is what I'm getting at. Yesterday, I wore Tzitzit to work only to discover that one string remained hanging out of my fly. No one said a word. God, I hope no one noticed. How many times do I find that toilet paper is hanging out the backside of my pants? So far, never but I can't say the same for the Jewish equivalent of a peacock's tail that I have sported too many times to enumerate. My boys struggle not to let the strings fall in the toilet while doing their thing. We all know what that feels like! And if those threads take the plunge, do you really want to kiss them tomorrow even if your wife diligently washes them???

I don't want to struggle with my clothing accessories while I have important business to take care of. But alas, like women, we too have our clothing crisis. I guess women could choose NOT to look their best but most don't dare take that option (although sometimes that is indiscernible). So too, I have elected to try my best but always carrying the get-out-of-tzitzit-free card in a glass case to break in case I get in a bind.

And little did I know that from those strings, I would become attached to Tali!
-

ERVA

Did you ever notice that the louder people shout, the weaker their argument? The same applies to religious declarations and directives. When lawmakers start claiming that an apparently minor mitzvah, gone unperformed or unfulfilled, carries a penalty so totally our of proportion to the 'crime', one has to wonder if it is a scare tactic to influence people to stay on track and be compliant. This was one of the thoughts that occurred to me on my first (wonderful) date with Tali at Carlos and Gabby's (the best Jerry, the best). We were discussing hair coverings and Tali described a book that showed why women's hair is considered an extra level of erva (nakedness). I certainly think that books that make our practices intelligible and meaningful to us are worthwhile, assuming it makes sense. Considering that I had not actually read the book, I could only give my impression of the concept that Tali related to me. I said, "So a women's private parts are just a regular level of erva yet somehow hair has an extra of nakedness!?! Apparently, there is ERVA and then, even more overpowering, is HAIRVA!" Thank God she laughed. Come on folks, many parts of a woman are attractive but don't tell me that hair is more of a nakedness than the makom kavoo-a.
-