Amplification

There was something that struck me in high school (I said 'something', not 'someone'). I noticed there was more to beauty than actual appearance. Now don't get me wrong, I'm as shallow as the next guy but there are things that can elevate a woman's beauty in the eye of the one who wants to hold her. Certainly, most people are aware that a good personality or better attitude is beneficial. A good smile, friendly affect, perhaps even the ability to flirt can help. Style couldn't hurt, not that I know much about that. What really struck me one evening, at a Bnei Avika shabbaton, was the absolute power of attraction. There was this cute young lady I had my eye on all weekend. Sat night she sat next to me and from the way she looked at me and her body language, it was obvious she was attracted to me. And the effect was such, that I went from just interested to captivated.

Perhaps others have said this or realized this but since I thought of it on my own and this is my site, I will take credit for it. I coined the phrase, "There is nothing more attractive than a woman attracted to you." (I would venture to guess it goes both ways). So when you show interest in a person, take interest in his interests, and your body language, eye contact, head tilt and everything cries out, "I like you, I really, really like you," it amplifies his own positive feelings. So odds are that you're more likely to get a positive response than by playing it cool. Playing it cool, not returning calls in a timely fashion, expecting him to chase all the time, is too much of a pain, entirely frustrating and a turn off. Maybe we had time for that in high school but life is so much simpler when you say what you mean and show how you feel. Take the chance, maybe you'll get hurt but when it finally works (and I believe it WILL increase your chances), it will be all worthwhile.

Guys stop here.
Oh, by the way, did I mention, I'm attracted to you? I just don't know how to show it!
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Alignment

Who says that life here on earth is not ordained in the heavens? With the cosmic alignment of Mars and Venus, came profound earthly delights. Perhaps the most telling example was finding my one true.... parking spot....adjacent to the restaurant in NYC. This was no ordinary spot. It had the dimensions of a machmir's shiur for maror on pesach or better yet it was the size of the biblical Kibeitzah which everyone knows has roughly dinosaur proportions. In my giddiness and excitement of the find, I pulled the car forward and back, to and fro multiple times, until perfect alignment with the curb was achieved. Passerbys stared but I know not why.

Let us not forget, o polytheistic friends of mine, that there are many supernatural forces that demand their due. Like no-child-left-behind, there is no street corner without the avodah zarah totem pole known as the Muni-Meter. With respect, I prostrated myself before it to no avail. As G-d turned away from Cain's offering, so did this enigmatic entity deny me. It asserted its divinity by not printing me a receipt, then once again denying my credit card. Only after the third offering of my plastic sacrifice, did it take its fill and allow the preordained events of the evening to unfold.

Representing the seven sefirot of heaven, seven woman in pagan garb served us a special treat in honor of the impending holiday. As you, of the Jewdoo cult, know, some people bake a key into challah as a segulah for whatever . I was surprised to see a key protruding through the falafel ball (yeah, I'm a big spender). What that key will unlock is yet to be seen. I was told it was the master key to the elevator; which buttons you press will determine which direction life will take you.

While smiling and making eye contact, all the time attempting to do what no man has done before, I listened to her. But as fate would have it, there was another voice that needed my attention. A voice from below made its instructions known to me on a visceral level. It deprived me of any desire for alcohol. It is my custom to drink at least the minimum requisite drink as a patron enjoying funky music. I learned this from the patriarch Abraham who, out of respect for the host, was sure to use the innkeepers services rather than provide for himself. But last night, I broke tradition and heeded that haunting voice. My gut told me it was the proper course of action. And as every guy knows, the gut is the supreme deity of man. Alimentary, my dear Watson. And again as fate would have it, the sobriety checkpoint was a (sea)breeze. Alignment again. Get out of jail free.

All I can say is that this was no AVERAGE/MEDIUM evening!
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