Singles Comingle

A single guy moved into our neighborhood and put into action a plan that had been spoken of for years but never realized. Why not have all the singles get together on Shabbat afternoon and develop a strong support system? Brilliant, but who was going to organize it? No one, that is, until he came along. There have been a few gatherings so far but I have been so busy with my kids that I felt I couldn’t get away. In reality, I had no excuse because the invitation clearly stated children are welcome so as to encourage full participation. So, when my niece popped over in the afternoon, I politely begged her to watch the kids for an hour while I indulge myself in the guilty pleasure of adult socialization. I decided not to bring the children because I would end up being the babysitter and never get a chance to really connect with anyone. Everyone must have had the same idea or have had enough of their children because no one brought them!

As an aside, one of my buddies was there. His current girlfriend was horrified to hear that he would be attending a singles event. He explained that this was more of a support system than a meet-market. I happened to share his take on the reason for this group and figured that we could all share some stories from the trenches and maybe someone knows someone who know someone…But truth be told, in the back of my mind I was hoping to meet a someone special. Perhaps we all did. So I guess my buddy’s girlfriend has reason to feel insecure.

I found the crowd very pleasant and engaging and I do look forward to more gatherings.

I am currently reading a section of Mom’s House, Dad’s House by Isolina Ricci that has offered me some perspective on this new group and how to view the people there. Dr. Ricci points out that a mistake newly divorced people have when meeting others of the opposite sex is that they immediately evaluate them based on all the qualities that they would require in a mate. There obviously is a proper time for those analyses but it is important to expand your circle of friends and support systems. The qualities that can make a good friend are not as stringent as those for Mr. Right or Ms. Wonderful. Social relations need not be predicated solely upon the search for a new mate. There are things we need to do to increase our ‘personal income’; things that satisfy our emotional needs so that we can in turn be better givers to our children and others. I have neglected this area for too long; played the martyr and have succeeded only in draining myself as well as my patience. I need to expand my circle or support and have some downtime to recharge my batteries.

Hey maybe this new group could offer a new perspective on life. And seeing a nice smile once in a while can go along way to brighten my spirits.