The Joys of Marriage

It doesn’t take very long for tension to build between two people living together. A coworker of mine wed a few months back. He was all smug and confident that his relationship would outshine his friends’ marriages and certainly those who got divorced. I gently warned him at the time that life has a big surprise waiting for him. I told him that all the jokes people make about their dissatisfied married lives are not really jokes but rather a form of venting frustration.

There is some biological drive that propels us forward in the face of all odds. At that time, the universe is in alignment and the gods show their countenance. So, bravely he entered into the pact, not once suspecting with whom that pact was really made.

As all first months go, it was joy, reveling in the newfound attention from well-wishers, enjoying a home cooked meal upon return from work. But the novelty soon wore off. The tension built. What seemed like minor issues that could easily be surmounted became Everest squared and then some.

The issue: Church and Estate.

His wife wanted him to move north, over the bridge to be closer to her parents. Currently he lives 10-minute drive from work in a nice condo. She also wants him to go to church every Sunday. Her church is the one up north by her parents. After services they always end up spending the rest of his day off at the in-laws.

He explained the added expense and inconvenience of commuting. He also tried negotiating by suggesting they go to church every third Sunday or every other Sunday. “NO, NO, NO,” she said its every Sunday or else.

Sure enough, he awoke the next morning to find she had packed her things and went to her parents. She remained there for a week and when she returned, her mother came back with her.

(...red flag, Klaxons blaring…)

I’m not clear if she was informed that parents are not included in the marriage contract. I also see a very selfish woman who thinks of herself before her spouse or her marriage. People make sacrifices for the sake of the greater cause i.e. the marriage. But there are things to sacrifice and there are ways to compromise. I think it quite childish to threaten divorce in order to enforce compliance. If this young man should capitulate now, then at every turn she will threaten to turn his life upside down, destroy all that they built, just to get her way. There are ways to negotiate. The sooner those methods are learned, the happier the relationship, and the less likely those skills will be needed in a court of law.