Hey, You're Not Rachel
I recently went to the wedding of a close relative that is ultra-orthodox. She wore a thick veil during the ceremony that entirely concealed her face. It occurred to me that the photographers, who were snapping away, were creating ambiguous memories. One would be hard pressed to ascertain whether these photos were from the groom’s wedding to her or someone else. As I watched, an image popped into my mind and I had to refrain from giggling. It was the most pointless family photo I had ever seen (credit: haemtza):
Another pet peeve I have pertains to saying tehillim while walking down the aisle and under the chupah. This is one of the most emotional moments in a person’s life. It is a rite of passage, a transforming experience. But that experience is suppressed and thoughts are now elsewhere. Prayers can be said later and with better kavanah (concentration). The whole point of living is to experience life to its fullest. Be in the moment, that’s where life is happening. Why squander a (hopefully) once in a lifetime experience?
Labels: anecdote, Archaeology, prayer, women in Judaism
posted by smoo @ 5:35 PM
4 comments
4 Comments:
RE the veil, no comment.
But as for prayer! There is a tradition that claims that the prayers of a chatan and kallah are (if not answered at least) delivered express to the Powers-that-Be.
A marriage is not a selfish thing. In Jewish terms it is a community thing. If YOU had the opportunity to get a friend or acquaintance's problems aired before the Powers-that-Be, wouldn't YOU take advantage of it?
I took a whole list of names with me when I walked down the chuppah. I can't think of a better way to occupy that time than to try to effect as much good as possible -- davening for people's refua (or for some shiddchim) during such a window of opportunity.
Now for the veil: I have Lubavitcher relatives who wear such thick veils. While it does look a bit odd for the pictures, I think that it helps the kallah concentrate when she does not have to think about how her face looks to all those who are present. The standard veils are so transparent that they do not in fact veil -- as in cover or obscure.
stay tuned for response.
Thanks for the comments. I am familiar with the belief in the powers of prayer and those special opportune moments like by Neila on Yom Kippur. I do admire people who think of others before themselves.
A lot of what follows goes way against the grain and necessitates more introspection on my part but here goes. Consider this: Aren’t we supposed to be mesameach chatan v’kalah? Aren’t they like king and queen that night. The focus for that night is on THEM. Yet, they can’t even focus on themselves.
That said, I believe in a God that is omnipotent, omniscient, and omnivorous, er, I mean all powerful. I believe He can hear any and all prayers at anytime but I do not believe that prayers at specific time effects His actions. Why should God who is outside time be affected by the time of prayer?
I believe that the anthropomorphication of God to such a degree as to belittle Him to the level of a human king, subject to moods or by limiting his ability to hear and respond to prayer, is a gross distortion of God. He always hears and attends to it as He sees fit for His divine plan. It’s funny to think that humans have the power, through words, to effect God’s disposition thereby causing a real change in the world. It sounds like witchcraft. Use incantation x at time y and z will result. In fact the gemarah (forgot where) says:
If person uses that phrase from the Torah that says that God will no longer bring sickness’ of Egypt on us, in order to influence God to heal him it’s like avodah zarah.- You can’t have it both ways.
In Hebrew, LeHispallel (to pray) is in the Hispael (reflexive) form. The purpose of the prayer is to affect change in yourself, taking stock of yourself, what can you do to better yourself. God doesn’t need prayer nor is He influenced by prayer.
There is power in prayer just not necessarily what you think. Prayer gives hope, it empowers the individual, making him feel as if there is something he can actively do to remedy that which is beyond human capabilities. In that respect, it’s undeniable that prayer serves a very human need and is powerful indeed.
How did prayer evolve? In primitive cultures it was definitely believed that sacrifice/prayer influenced or appeased a god. The votive offerings were believed to affect change in the world. Judaism adopted sacrifice because that is how people prayed in the ancient world (as per Rambam). Once the temple was destroyed and sacrifices abolished, the Sages instituted prayers instead.
But are prayers really what primitive society deemed it? People will always have their psychological needs and prayer fulfills that need. But to actually believe that you, a mere mortal, can truly cause an external change by an internal thought or simple utterance is a very simplistic interpretation of prayer and literal approach to ancient ideas. If you’re praying for someone, you are doing it for yourself. Even though it is altruistically motivated, the change or the influence is in YOU. The influence is that you are reinforcing positive attributes. So, opportune moments of prayer should not be viewed literally as if suddenly a window of opportunity presents such that requests are put to the front of the line and are thus more likely to be heard or answered but rather there are opportune moments when reflection through prayer is more likely to influence a person. These moments are especially noticeable at major events or holidays where the white noise of one’s hum-drum life is diminished and clarity when focusing on the special moment allows a level of transcendence. So, indeed pray but recognize what you are really doing and why.
And hey, pray, because you never know!
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