Touchy Subject

Negiah, there, I said it. The untouchable has led to the unspeakable. They both were frum, shomer Shabbat and kosher but had allowed caution to be thrown to the wind. A second date ended with a friendly goodnight kiss, the third with a more intimate embrace. By the fourth date, well, just use your imagination (to your fullest ability). Obviously there was mutual attraction. Both were good looking and had an itch to scratch.

Then the ominous phone call. “You seem withdrawn,” one says.
Enter the brain, (always a dangerous proposition). “Well, I’ve been thinking that the physical interaction is great but I don’t feel like we are connecting on a deeper emotional level.” If I could describe all hell breaking loose, it would unfold in the exact same manner. Needless to say, someone felt taken advantage of and the other felt like a cad. Now they don’t speak to each other.

Religion has a simple solution. Everything is forbidden because human drives are notoriously unpredictable, uncontrollable, and fraught with danger and risk. On the flip side, how can one truly assess compatibility without exploring the physical?

Everyone must decide for themselves when is the right moment to get physical. For some, it will be after marriage, for others, at the starting gate. Still others fall midway between the extremes. The middle of the road is often the most sensible (that is unless the truck that paints the divider-line is on the road). A couple should get to know each other first. Learn what makes the other tick, their dreams, needs, and interests. Then identify if there is a deeper connection than just the physical attraction, which is already present or we wouldn’t be here in the first place. When sex enters the scene, the ante is bumped way up. One person may interpret this as indicative of taking the relationship to a higher level. But without the foundation of emotional connection, someone is going to get hurt. Sex may also delude a person into thinking that they are in love when all that is present is lust. I’m not saying it shouldn’t happen, just try, Try, TRY, to make an honest assessment of your future with the other person. Obviously, no plan is foolproof. Just keep your head about yourself.