No Fault Relationships
Fault. We tend to find it in others and if you date long enough, or perhaps even just a tad, others will find it in you. Each gender has its own propensity towards fault finding. Women are exceptional in identifying character flaws, faulty actions or words expressed with no forethought (I got that skill down pat). Men gravitate towards finding fault in a woman's appearance. It's all in how they view their prospective mate through cultural and self imposed lenses. Too short, too tall, wrong eye color, etc is enough to sink his battleship. Come to think of it, we are all influenced by those self-same cultural and psychological lenses.
Let's face it, many relationships don't last because of faults found in our partner, whether it be physical, emotional, situational, religious level, character traits, and just about anything you can think of. But imagine a state like NY, which is a no-fault state. It doesn't matter who wronged whom or that one party might be more at fault than the other. It's no ones fault, so settle your differences, kiss and make up. Life is good. Imagine the same of our relationships. A no-fault relationship would truly be nirvana.
Just don't blame me if you can't find it, it's not my fault!
Labels: dating, perspective, relationships
posted by smoo @ 11:51 PM
2 comments
2 Comments:
i agree with you that when in a relationship one cant always pick at the other persons faults because a)you are not perfect b)you will never be in a relationship because NO ONE is perfect. however, i do think that its important to discuss things in the relationship that majorly bother you because otherwise there will never be true intimacy. if people dont discuss these things they will just blow up and the relationship will end . no one likes being critcized, myself included, but it is how someone does it that makes the difference.it sucks, but its necessary. that said, a relationship cant be that one is always discussing each others faults. that doesnt work either. accepting each other for who the other is , whatever the each others faults are is key, but some things do need to be confronted, none the less.
Your points are well taken. There is no way you could intuit the motivation behind this post, so I shall explain. I find that I am so fortunate to meet enough women that I 'click' with. But invariably there is one achilles heel, one fatal flaw that either I can't get past or she can't. Perhaps I have too many kids or I find her physically beyond the scope of what I can tolerate. Sometimes she's too religious and other times I'm the one too religious (hard to believe, I know). So I joined jdate and met a really amazing woman but there is something I think I can't get past. I will go out some more to see if the issue resolves. I fear that if I convince myself I can get past it, then when we are both emotionally and physically vested, I suddenly realize I can't tolerate it and do what I did to Tali. So do I amputate early always wondering or later with greater pain. So as I pondered the issues, really trying my best not to cause a tender spirit any dismay, I began to consider a world where there were no faults to interfere with a relationship with someone you click so well with. The rest of the post was just a stream of consciousness lead up to the finale- No fault relationships!
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