Interfaith Marriages
I know a few interfaith couples and all of them impressed me as extremely tolerant. I also noticed that they seemed happier with each other than other MO married friends. Could be a coincidence. Maybe the difficulties that they had to overcome to be able to join with their soul mate strengthened their bonds more than the average couple.
My cousin was dating a non-Jew for many years and was obviously in love. She faced objections from both sides, often bringing her to tears. Joe offered to convert but some brilliant brother-in-law said there wasn’t proper intent and that’s not good enough. She married him despite the objections and she has a wonderful family. To this day, I know she is still in pain from the conflict; still feeling alienated from a family that does truly love her. She feels unaccepted even when we try to include her in our get-togethers. I was too young at the time to have been involved with that incident but I am aware of its repercussions and the devastation she experiences on a regular basis. All this was the price she paid for wanting to be with the person she loves.
I met a woman named Ettie last month at a friend’s wedding. She is happily married to a Christian man. I felt I had so many questions to ask her about such a relationship but I did not, for the same reason I never asked anyone else I knew who had an interfaith marriage. I didn’t want to come across as judging or nosey. But I really want to understand their lives and I am truly happy for anyone who has found their soul mate.
What particularly sparked my thoughts was a book I’ve read by Israel Finkelstein about David and Solomon. I will write in a later blog about the details from the book. Apparently, the traditions ascribed to David & Solomon have changed and been remodeled to suit the times and achieve a certain agenda. Initially, early Israelites used it to justify the right of Judean hegemony then later toward religious and political reform. The interesting thing that Christianity did was, it took these traditions and made them universal. They claimed that Jesus perfectly fulfilled the messianic requirement derived from Davidic lore. He was supposedly of Davidic lineage (even though that line had died out centuries earlier) but his message was that of brotherhood of mankind and love to one’s fellow human. While I feel, the Christians and Jews have continued to use the traditions of David & Solomon for their own agenda and have strayed far from the original purpose, we do have to recognize the value of the lessons they derived from David and Solomon just as each of our generations learns new lessons from reinterpreting the texts.
With this in mind, I want to believe that our love of God should be able to be reconciled with our love of each other. When we seek to comprehend what God asks of humanity, surely the answer is to foster love and good graces rather than hatred and enmity. And while it seems to be human nature to create artificial boundaries that describe ‘us’ and ‘other’, perhaps it is time for humanity to create a more tolerant, more loving world. Don’t judge others who aren’t conforming to our standards and our vision of the way life should be.
LIVE AND LET LIVE.
Labels: relationships
posted by smoo @ 10:48 AM
4 comments
4 Comments:
Good post, thanks. :-)
I agree, we're on the same page (see my recent post).
The Alter of Slobadka wrote that many Jews misunderstand the bracha that we make in the morning, "Sheh lo asani goy".... it does not mean, Thank God I'm not one of those awful Gentiles. On the contrary, he demonstrates how exalted any human can be, and so when we make the bracha, it's as if to say, Thank God I'm Jewish, even better than being an amazing Gentile.
But there is a point there - that there is something special about being Jewish. It's not a racist statement - because it's a club that anyone may join, if they want to pay the dues. But the bottom line is that most Jews know and feel that there is something special about being a Jew.
Okay, Rabbi Seinfeld (any relation? ;) )
So why not just say, "She-asani Yehudi"?
Why?
Why?
Why?
You hear the same lame apologetics for "shelo asani isha". Why the negatives in a prayer to G-d? If G-d is all-powerful and omnipotent with the power to create anything G-d wants, what kind of praise is it to say (in effect), "Whew! Thanks, Lord, for not makin' me a woman. Thank you, who could have made me whatever You in Your Infinite Wisdom decided and it would have been the right choice because You are G-d, but if it was going to be a woman, I'm glad you didn't." What a slap in the face (kaveyochol).
And why thank G-d for not making one a woman in the same breath as thanking G-d for not making one a slave or a goy? I think we can all agree that being an eved is not a good thing.
Come on, Rabbi. Let's just admit that these answers are lame apologetics. Let's admit there really is no good answer. Let's admit that these brochos and prayers were codified and canonized into the liturgy around a millenia ago, when maybe it was slightly better to be a man than a woman in an era where women were ravaged, had kids at 16, no birth control, and a third to a half died in childbirth and half the rest died before reaching 50. Let's admit that there has always been a bit of religious jingoism going on-- or maybe-- the "shelo asani goy" bracha was designed so that Jews would actually believe it in an era where Jewish life was cheap. Let's finally admit that that answer just isn't cutting it, and if folks aren't buying it, it's because no one can sell it.
I cringe inside when I hear that bracha.
"That is racism, pure and simple"
Huh? Goyim aren't a race. The brochoh shows a preference for a religion. A religion is characterized by an ideology. It seems to me legitimate to see your religion as being ideologically superior to its rivals.
What's the point of being Jewish if you don't see something in it that's better than other religions.
Another anon
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